If you are sick of attracting emotionally unavailable men, Emotionally Unavailable Men it’s not because you have a “broken picker!” More likely, you are not listening to what he says (many women have selective hearing and interpret everything he says based on what they want), not listening to your gut, or jumping into a relationship so fast it makes it hard to get out when you know it’s the right thing to do. Tubit.com The good news though is that after reading this article, you’ll be able to easily spot emotionally unavailable men.
Emotionally Unavailable Men: Definition, Signs & FAQs
You are sick of attracting emotionally unavailable men, it’s not because you have a “broken picker!” More likely, you are not listening to what he says (many women have selective hearing and interpret everything he says based on what they want), not listening to your gut, or jumping into a relationship so fast it makes it hard to get out when you know it’s the right thing to do. The good news though is that after reading this article, you’ll be able to easily spot emotionally unavailable men.
To truly understand emotional unavailability, I’m borrowing the definition from Natalie Lue’s book, Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl (2011).
“Emotionally unavailable means not fully emotionally present. It’s struggling or being unable to access emotions healthily and as a result, being emotionally distant due to ‘walls’ which basically act as barriers to true emotional intimacy.”
How Does Emotional Unavailability Come About?
Emotional unavailability might come about due to one or more of the following:
Early interactions with our caregivers which is primarily responsible for our attachment style in relationships as adults.
Heartbreak (Breakups, separation, divorce or infidelity might cause a person to become emotionally unavailable).
Traumatic experience (trauma is defined according to one’s reaction to an event and not in terms of the magnitude of the event, and it could trigger a change in one’s personality and attitude)
Mental health issues (depression or suffering from other mental illness could also make a person withdraw emotionally)
10 Signs of Emotionally Unavailable Men
Sign #1: Emotionally Unavailable Men May Simply Tell You They’re Emotionally Unavailable
Yes, men typically mean what they say and say what they mean. Drop the selective hearing, ladies, and start listening to the men you date immediately! He might tell you that you’re “amazing,” but he just can’t commit to anything right now. One of the biggest fears of this type of man is becoming lost in a relationship and losing his freedom. Often times these people really do want to connect with someone but Tubit are too afraid to start anything because they know they really aren’t ready. And believe us: you can’t be “so amazing” that he flips his switch and becomes your perfect mate. It rarely to never happens.
Sign #2: Emotionally Unavailable Men Might Share A Lot of Information But Not Feelings
An emotionally unavailable man might share LOTS of information, which gives you the impression that he’s sharing with you, and therefore you’re being emotionally intimate. In addition, he’ll always portray himself to be in the midst of some sort of a crisis, from troubles with their ex, with the kids, a sudden illness in the family, to having work, money and health problems.
Without you realizing, you’ll find yourself sucked in the drama and always having to be there for him, without having anyone being there for you. He might even vent the feelings that he has for someone else. A man who is in love with someone else could never be in a relationship with you.
Sign #3: Emotionally Unavailable Men Fear Intimacy
Emotionally unavailable men are mostly driven by their fear of intimacy and commitment and their fear of losing their independence in a relationship. You would typically find them shying away from any conversation that involves your relationship, your feelings or any long-term plans.
Sign #4: Emotionally Unavailable Men Have Tons
of Excuses for their Behaviors
Some of the excuses you’ll hear from emotionally unavailable men could include, but are certainly not limited to;
I’m busy with work right now.
So many things are going on in my life right now.
My wife and I haven’t had sex in years.
We’re moving into separate places any day now. It’s financially difficult, but we’re working on it.
And, btw, I am miserable.
Once the kids are (insert any milestone here), we’re going to split.
We haven’t had sex in years. (Yes, it’s here twice because for some reason this one is a big seller.)
My wife is emotionally unstable. Soon…soon. She’s in therapy.
I don’t feel like this with her, and you’re amazing. I’m confused, but the truth is I love you. Can you be patient?
Bottom line, ladies! They’ll never run out of excuses and stories to tell you… Don’t fall for these excuses, because if a man wants to be there for you, HE WILL.
Sign #5: Emotionally Unavailable Men Love the Chase
Emotionally unavailable men have a push-pull strategy. They tend to pursue you hard toward the beginning, sweeping you off your feet quickly, eliminating all competition and pushing for physical or emotional intimacy right away. But once you let them know they’ve won you over, they pull away and often disappear for a week or two. If he has a consistent pattern of disappearing, this is a serious red flag. It’s even more concerning when he can’t articulate what’s happening for him during these periods. If your guy uses the “busy” excuse to explain his mysterious disappearances, run in the opposite direction!
Sign #6: Emotionally Unavailable Men’s Words
Do NOT Match their Actions
When a man is full of mixed messages or is being inconsistent, it’s not a good sign. He may surprise you with a weekend getaway and then cancel on you several times in a row the next week or show up with flowers and shower you with love and affection only to ghost you the next day.
Sign #7: Emotionally Unavailable Men Mirror Your Emotions
Emotionally unavailable men have difficulty connecting with and expressing their feelings, so you’ll find them mirroring yours both in actions and words, nodding their heads and saying things like “I feel the same”. What is sometimes telling of the difference between someone who is mirroring you because he genuinely likes you and another who is mirroring you because he’s emotionally unavailable is a tinge of sarcasm in their voice, facial or body language and their inability to express any feelings of their own. .
Sign #8: Emotionally Unavailable Men Run From Their Emotions
Needless to say, a man who is constantly running from his emotions is in desperate need for a distraction. So, you might find him throwing himself in work, addicted to working out, drinking alcohol, watching porn or binge eating.
Sign #9: Emotionally Unavailable Men Like To Be In Control
Ladies, if you feel that you’ve taken the passenger seat in your relationship, going along with whatever he plans or says because you know that if you resist, he’ll pull away, you might very well be with an emotionally unavailable man. All these aforementioned strategies are meant to have you under his full control. Once he realizes he is in control, he’ll vanish mysteriously, resurface unannounced and be on his best behavior only to vanish again. This game is very likely to continue for years and years, if you allow it.
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Sign #10: Emotionally Unavailable Men Are Suspicious of Others
Blame it on their past bad experiences, but tend to distrust others in general. If a guy is acting suspicious of you and asking lots of questions about your whereabouts or your past or seem to be mistrusting you for some mysterious reason, it’s time to grab your sneakers and run for the hills! They could be projecting their infidelity or projecting their past experiences onto you. Either case, know that this is them and not you. You do not need to justify, explain or prove yourself to anyone that cannot see your awesome self.